Going to the Vet: A Cat’s Perspective
Editor’s Note: Hi friend! Junipurr’s mama here. Recently Junipurr went to see her veterinarian twice - once for her annual wellness exam, and a second time for an allergy-induced skin condition. Though both visits were relatively short, and her parents did all they could to make the process as low-stress as possible (packing a suitcase full of her favorite scent soakers and toys, cooing to her on the way to and fro, preparing her favorite treats immediately upon homecoming etc.), Junipurr is not without tribulations. Today, she breaks down her experience of going to the vet. Behold, Junipurr speaks!
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6 hours before vet visit:
UH OH. I sense something is off in the magnetic field. The energetic vibration coming from the hoomans is … off. Let me stick out my tongue and get a read from the air.
*SHOOK*
The parents are planning a mutiny! Traitors!
Hustle and hide under the bed. Trust NO ONE.
4 hours before:
Darn it. Hunger has arrived in my Blessed Belly. Why must these earthly urges always visit me at the most critical of times (and every two hours)? Stay strong, self. Vigilance and fortitude!
3 hours and 55 min before:
Maybe getting some food in the stomach would help with the cause tho? Going to battle on an empty stomach is no setup for victory…
Alright, for the cause I will venture out from under the bed to the kitchen!
3 hours and 40 min before:
Hmmm. The air is heavy with enemy schemes. Though they pretend to type away as usual on those finger DDR machines, the parents reek of guilt. Quick, beeline for the kibbles they just laid out and grab a mouthf—
*RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!*
3 hours and 39 min before:
How DARE they try to look at me as I approached the food! Who do they think they are?! Phew, that was close. Thank goodness I made it to my under-the-bed-throne. The peasants can’t reach me here.
1 hour before:
Heh, the parents are getting real restless now. What will they say to their spaceship captain when they don’t succeed in abducting me? Not my problem! Ha, if I could reach, I would pat myself on the back. Maybe I can reach with the tongue?
*tries to lick back for next 40 min*
20min before:
WHAT IS THIS? Whiffs of my favorite chicken and salmon feast? Maybe I was wrong about this whole thing? Maybe the hoomans are finally paying proper respect to me, their enlightened despot? Or maybe it is an apology offering for hoarding those finger DDR machines from me? Well, I am a big-hearted queen so I shall climb out and accept!
*WAIL*
Nooooo! All is doomed! I have been capsized and betrayed!
During the car ride:
SOS SOS SOS! Does nobody know Morse code anymore?!
H-E-L-P!
M-E-O-W!
Someone intervene with these heathens who pretended to be my loving caretakers for the past four years!
Waiting outside the vet’s office, as mom sings softly:
Humph! No amount of your cooing or brushing my forehead can make up for what you did, woman. I shall not forgive you. I shall not even look at you. Furthermore, I shall strip away your honorary title of Mom.
Private session with cat-specialist veterinarian, while parents wait outside due to Covid:
GET AWAY FROM ME, STRANGE MAN!
I have nails, I have teeth, and I have the mighty will to cut you — ooh, is that a piece of air-dried, astronaut tuna?
*om nom nom nom*
Don’t think that just because I accepted your offering that we are good! What’s that you say? You understand my suffering and the betrayal I’ve just experienced? You think my weight loss has been so successful and that in fact I can stand to be fed a little more?
[untranslatable cat commiseration]
Well! You ARE a kindred spirit, Doc. It’s nice to be able to air out my grievances about the parents with someone who speaks Cat!
Car ride home:
Say! The sun is such a tease! It was peeking into my carrier on the right side before, and now it’s on the left! Well, I’m a sunflower and I will let the sun dance on my pretty whiskers.
Home:
Could this be… home?! Oh home, sweet queendom! How I have missed you in the years [1.5 hour] I have been torn away from you!
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[Editor’s closing remarks: Juni had a spoonful of her favorite chicken and salmon meal, plus some kibbles. She then surveyed her entire queendom and the carrier. Finally, she gave her mom a stern and thoughtful look before climbing to the highest of her cat shelves and diving into a hearty bath.
p.s. Have you taken your furbaby to the vet lately? How did it go? If you are a vet, what did you think about Junipurr’s experience? We’d love to hear in the comments below!]
