Bread Horoscope

Junipurr demonstrating her signature loafing position

Like 6 million other people, I binge watch The Great British Bake Off and dream in bread. Simultaneously in the cat world, bread has been a topic of fervent conversation, too. The question “What kind of loaf is my cat?” has become a legit thing.

In case you have no idea what this cat bread business is about, let’s go back to the beginning. It all started with the term “cat loaf.” Cue Wikipedia:

Cat loaf is a term used to describe a cat’s sitting position in which its paws and tail are tucked under the body, forming a loaf-like shape.

Lest you think this is some new new quick fashion trend, I must inform you that the Sub-Reddit Loaves of Cats (/r/catloaf: for cats sitting in the classic bread-like loaf position) was created on Nov 11, 2013.

2013!

The year designated by the UN as the International Year of Quinoa (?!) and during which, amongst so many other historic happenings, “‘twerk’ and ‘selfie’ were added to the dictionary… , and the world welcomed a new pope and a new royal baby,” according to ABC News.

With such a tenured history, /r/catloaf is a poppin’ place where 696k cat parents from around the world gather to announce the unique type of bread that is their furbaby.

Recently, for example, I saw a black-and-orange calico kitty be described as “lemon pepper seasoned” and a particularly sprawled out brown tabby described as a “rye bread that didn’t rise.”

The fun isn’t just on the interwebs, people. Increasingly in conversations IRL with fellow cat people, I find us engaged in bread horoscopes for our cats. Case in point:

One friend’s chubby, all-black cat is a squid ink ciabatta with castelvetrano olive eyes.

Another good friend’s brown-black and white kitty is a “reverse Milano.”

And my dear friend M’s multi-colored furbaby is “a candied orange and chocolate loaf, dipped in Italian meringue, with sugar work whiskers.”

Vivid, eh? Also, anyone else getting hungry?

By now you may be wondering: What kind of bread is Junipurr?

I’m happy you asked, friend!

Based on her coloring, she is a milk + dark chocolate brioche with a brush of raspberry (her nose and ears). But because she is definitely a bake worthy of the finals, Juni also features a caramel underbelly, a chantilly cream chin, and blueberry toe beans.

Based on her personality, however, she is a marshmallow milk bread with a jalapeño center :D

And she is a loaf that definitely needs a lot of proving time in the warming drawer. So. Much. Napping! in her heated cat bed pod.

I would love to know: What kind of bread loaf is your cat? Let me know in the comments!