On Cats and Babies: An Interview with Ophelia the Kitten
Babies + Cats is a tried and true Internet recipe for heart-melting goodness, the virtual equivalent of grilled cheese and tomato soup. Yet, keeping everyone safe is not a matter that should be left to chance. Through her joy-infused Instagram account, Ophelia the Kitten, Kara Reed is showing the world how we can teach kids to approach animals gently and safely. I can’t wait for Kara to write a book or teach a workshop on multi-species family harmony. Till then, here’s a glimpse into her thoughtful approach.
You’re a busy mama! Tell us about your girls.
We’ve got a fun household! Kayjay is the OG. She’s a 9 years old grey tabby whom we adopted from the shelter. Ophelia, aka Sissy, aka Fluffypants, is the middle child. She is a long hair kitty we adopted from foster mom extraordinaire, Barb of Kitten Face. Although she’s 5 years old now, Ophelia is definitely still a fluffy, sweet little baby. Naomi, who has cheeks for the win, is our one year old human baby.
Editor’s note: Ophelia made an appearance at the top of the interview, snuggled in her mama’s arms and holding out her mittens like a feline Audrey Hepburn. Meanwhile, Kayjay lounged nearby like the Queen that she is, and Naomi was off duty on a nap break :)
Let’s start with the furbabies. How did you become a cat mom?
I come from cat people. I grew up in a cat-loving family that always had cats, and we are passionate about adopting. My parents have cats, my brother and sister-in-law have cats, and my extended family loves cats. Our family Christmas gift exchange involves divvying up a mountain of funny cat swag.
However, when I was single, I worried about how having a cat might bode with a future partner. Of course, now I know that if you want to have the love of animals in life, you should absolutely go for it and you’ll attract people who love animals as well. When I met my husband, though, chances for a cat looked slim. He was allergic to cats and hadn’t grown up with any pets, so he had next to no interest. I convinced him we should go to the shelter just to look. There we met Kayjay, who was a tiny kitten at the time. I have a photo of the moment of victory, when Kayjay decided to fall asleep belly up in my husband’s jacket. He was so smitten! He told me: “We can adopt a kitten if you want, I guess.” Naturally, I made him admit that he fell in love, too.
Kayjay pulled the ultimate power move! How was the cat-to-cat introduction when Ophelia joined the family?
We had been doing a lot of research about adopting a second cat, because we wanted to give Kayjay a companion. I was looking for a boy cat since we already had a dominant female, but we fell in love with Ophelia as we watched her grow up in her foster home. One of the beautiful things about what foster moms like Barb of Kitten Faces do is allowing potential adopters to get a good sense of the cats’ personalities. The introduction process was deliberately slow and careful -- it took about three months. We gradually expanded Ophelia’s access from the master bathroom to the whole house. A baby gate came in very handy as we started orienting the cats to each other. Every day after work, my husband and I would do supervised playtime where one parent would be with each cat. It was definitely lots of effort, but we had made a commitment to these furbabies and knew we had to make it work. Eventually we got to a point of all-around trust. Even if the cats occasionally made unhappy noises, everyone was safe.
That reminds me of a quote in The Secret Language of Cats: “Cats rarely engage in physical violence with each other; they seem to be able to defuse tensions through concertos of howls...Frequently, the winner is the one who can howl the deepest, loudest and longest.”
Yup, when Kayjay would do a warning hiss-meow, Ophelia would get on her back with her arms overhead in a gesture of surrender! Although they are not best friends or constant cuddle buddies, deep down they are a team. If something scares them, they run under the same bed and huddle together. When Kayjay goes to the kitchen for her special diet food, Ophelia sits by her side. And they generally travel through the house together, especially when the parents are out of the house. Theirs is like many human sibling relationships - they love each other but wanna keep that on the DL. I do feel that Ophelia is helping keep Kayjay young and healthy, because of the amount of chase and play.
Is it true that Ophelia has a Favorite Parent?
Ophelia and her dad are super close! I think their special bond cemented during the feather incident. When Ophelia was little, she swallowed one of the feathers on her favorite play toy without our knowing. Our playful and outgoing kitten suddenly didn’t want to be touched, and she was crying heartbreakingly. I had an important work meeting that day, so my husband was the one who took the day off and brought Ophelia to the vet then nursed her back to health. Since then, Ophelia and daddy have been BEST buds.
Having a baby is one of the most common reasons people surrender their pets. What mental or physical preparations did you do when you were expecting Naomi?
I like to joke with my fellow mamas to both furbabies and human babies that since the cats were here first, if the cats and baby don’t get along, the human baby has gotta go! In all seriousness, we did consult our obstetrician about litterbox zoonosis and about cats getting in the baby’s crib and smothering the baby, which was my big fear. My husband took over litterbox duty, though within a week he got a litter robot. This was actually a doubly smart move, as we needed to streamline the daily responsibilities with a baby on the way. Also, the litter robot made it safer in case the baby ever got into the litter box, since it sweeps poop and pee underneath the pan after each use.
In terms of my cat-in-crib concern, our obstetrician reassured us that in his 20+ years of practice, he has never encountered cats getting in the crib as an issue. As soon as babies get in the crib, they start making all sorts of noise and fuss, and the last place cats want to be is there beside them. But in the first few weeks of bringing Naomi home, we had her in the bedroom with us and gently ushered the two cats out at bedtime. They usually sleep with us, so it was heartrending to hear them sit outside of the bedroom door and cry. But it’s important for parents to help everyone get adjusted first.
Did the cats immediately bond with their human baby sister?
The girls do have a special connection. Early in my pregnancy, I had a health issue and was scared about losing the baby. When I came home from the emergency room, I laid down and was crying when Kayjay came up to me, cuddled me, and put her paw on my tummy. It was a magical moment. I knew then that everything was going to be ok. Nowadays, Naomi’s favorite thing is to pet her Sissy.
What are some best practices for teaching babies how to interact with cats?
It’s our responsibility as parents to teach kids how to approach animals gently. It’s children’s instinct to lunge and grab animals, and it’s animals’ instinct to self-protect, especially if somebody is coming at a vulnerable area on their body. We teach Naomi “Nice Pets” by showing her where to pet her feline sisters and how to read their body language. We also model “Just Say Hi!” -- an enthusiastic, fun, special wave -- when Naomi wants to love on her sisters but the cats are not in the mood for petting. Very early on, we taught our daughter to respect the furbabies’ food and space (i.e. do not touch their food or them when they are eating). Now that she’s older, we are showing her how to approach gently with her hand out so that cats can come to her.
If we teach kids how to channel their natural curiosity and enthusiasm, we also help the cats know that they are safe and do not need to fend themselves against their human siblings. This goes for how our kids approach friends’ pets, too. A little education goes a long way in preventing injuries or animals from being put down.
That is incredibly wise! Any other advice for cat parents?
First, make sure to get your pets proper vet care. When you bring them home, you are making a lifelong commitment to their health and wellness. My dad had a cat who lived until she was 23 years old, and my aunt just adopted a tripod who she’s nursing back to health.
Second, if you are going to be gone for more than 24 hours, I highly recommend hiring a pet sitter to provide physical and emotional comfort. Our pets feel our absence. When my husband and I went on a trip to Europe a few years ago, we got a security camera just so we could keep an eye on the furbabies. Ophelia would sit by the garage door all night, waiting for us to come home.
Finally, remember that cats are quite similar to humans. They are not like dogs who are always excited to see you, always down to play, always up for going anywhere. Sometimes they are, and sometimes they need a little personal space. Like us humans. So, show a little respect.
P.S. You may also like Viviana & Mr. Whiskers, the Tripod TomCat
